The year 2012 is finally upon us, and December 21 looms on the yearend horizon. At the moment, doomsday believers are already counting down the roughly 350 days left in the Mayan Calendar.
Most people find the 2012 prophecies laughable, but that’s only because the earth, tenacious planet that it is, has managed to survive many doomsdays in the past decade.
People may think of it as an unfulfilled prophecy, but it is actually an incredible feat of survival on the earth’s part. Why, just last year, we’ve survived the apocalypse twice when Harold Camping made his two magnificently mistaken rapture predictions.
Of course, the skepticism is understandable, but you’d do well to suspend your disbelief. This year will really be the year it all ends if you go by the Mayan calendar, an ancient relic made by a long-dead civilization may be a credible source to some.
If that’s not enough to convince you that the world will end this year, well, just look around. Temperatures are rising and dropping by extremes. Polar bears are disappearing. Justin Bieber is said to have fathered a child. The signs are everywhere.
You’d best take heed and take a page from the preppers, a group of people who’ve read the signs, seen the truth, and started preparing for the catastrophic event that will alter life as we know it.
We may not know how it’s going to happen yet. It could be a stock market crash, nuclear warfare, alien invasion, coronal mass ejection, zombie apocalypse, or the coming of Bieberspawn. Whatever it is, here are preparations you and your family can do for the apocalypse that’s sure to come eventually.
Tip #1: Create a self-sustaining food farm in your backyard pool
One admirable prepper featured on a National Geographic documentary came up with the ingenious idea of turning his pool into an aquaponic farm. The most brilliant feature by far is the farm’s design, which makes sure that his tilapia colony can feed on the chicken droppings that fall from the coop—because we all love the taste of chicken-crap-fed-fish.
According to the prepper, he created this farm to lessen his dependence on electricity, which is crucial to survival in the case of a coronal mass ejection that will destroy the earth’s electric grid.
In that context, it really makes sense. But for those who don’t have backyard pools or cannot abide the taste of tilapia, another option would be to live with the Amish, or to experience a Filipino-style brownout. Either two are equally effective ways to learn how to live without power.
Tip #2: Stock up on canned goods, cup noodles, and MREs
Canned goods, cup noodles and MREs (meals-ready-to-eat, food eaten by American soldiers on the field) are the holy trinity of no-cook food.
They don’t taste half bad either. Remember not to overstock, though. Just about one cellar’s worth will be enough.
Do not forget to stock up on can openers and hot water keepers too, although when you’re on the move from looters or zombies, you might have to stick to your trusty Skyflakes, which, come to think of it, should also be on your prepper shopping list.
Tip #3: Purchase a luxury underground shelter
In most doomsday scenarios, this is really the only way you’ll survive. Food and water won’t matter when a collision with Planet X/Nibiru causes a torrent of fire to rain down from the heavens.
Lucky for us, there are a number of doomsday shelters already on the market. Those who want a no-nonsense roof over their heads can choose among some safehouses:
http://www.alpinesurvival.com/earth-changes-survival-shelters.html;
http://www.hardenedstructures.com/2012-shelter-systems.html; or
http://survivalcondo.com/
All these promise to provide safe and secure accommodations underneath cement-thick foundations and climate-proof ceilings.
But those who want to rough out the rapture with a touch of style might want to check out Vivos, a luxury underground safehouse placed in secure locations in the American desert.
For a co-ownership fee of only $9,950 per person you will receive a sure supply of food, fuel, materials, and a space in the Vivos community for 6 months.
Sure, it may sound like a steep price to some, but the kind people at Vivos do have a financial aid plan that allows the poorlings to pay the full amount in installments over a number of years. Because of course, even in the post-apocalyptic world, currencies, the economy, credit cards, and checks will continue to work in the same way as they do now.
Then again, for us here in the Third World, this third tip is barely an option. Doomsday shelters here are virtually non-existent, so in the case of a collision with Planet X, or any other earth-shattering catastrophe, well, to be perfectly frank, we’re good as gone, so let’s hope that the apocalypse comes in the form of something we know how to handle like EDSA traffic jams.
Sarcasm aside, for all we know, the preppers could be spot on in their beliefs, in which case, the apocalypse would be the biggest “I-told-you-so” in the post-history of mankind.
But until then, let’s focus on not letting paranoia get the better of us, and starting the New Year with optimism.
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